Chapter 41: She's The reason
“What? Why? Do you think I’m lying?” The sudden rise of emotion in him has me on edge too, and the
panic that I’m scaring my only ray of light to escape away. He appears to be running away, but as he
turns to me, to close the door, the tear I catch in his eye silences me and he pauses, taking a deep
breath and lowering his hands. The open door between us keeping us a couple of feet apart, but his
sadness overwhelms me.
“Eight years of silence… eight years watching her sleep. Eight years hoping that one day the things
she said, I’d accept that my friend had lost her mind completely. Eight years…. and I convinced myself
that her visions and stories were that of a mad woman, broken by battle which convinced her that her
mate was an evil player in some bigger plan, and her confinement here was a betrayal to silence her.
Eight years justifying that she was better asleep, than to be tortured by her own illness of the mind.” I
don’t know if he’s saying it to me, or to himself, his eyes not on me, just glazed and distant as a single
tear rolls down his cheek and I’m so very confused.
“I don’t understand. You said she was fine… upstairs…. She’s been here longer than eight years….
Colton said nine.” Or was that including the war… when he didn’t see her in that timeframe because he
never saw her when she came home at all. I don’t know. Oh god, please don’t tell me she really is
broken, and this is all for nothing.
The thought crosses my mind, things not adding up to what he said, and going around in circles,
unable to piece it together logically. Maybe Sierra really was sick, but then what the hell is he saying?
The doctor smiles at me sadly, his pale grey eyes finally landing on mine, and gives me a watery half
“If she was crazy…. then how could she tell me that one day a solitary she wolf from the west would
come to save us all from something that was coming. A future leader of her people, joined to her blood
by the fates. Maybe it’s coincidence, maybe it’s not. Maybe it’s wishful thinking and guilt because I’ve
let her lay there for eight long years. Don’t you see?” he’s almost babbling, but I pick out the points I
think he’s trying to connect.
“I came East from where I was, and I’m linked to her son.” I repeat robotically, still looking at him with a
quizzical expression on my face and trying to figure out what his vague statements mean. He’s lost in
his own head.
“Tell me…. What does the name Marina mean to you?” He narrows his eyes on me, leaning in as
though telling me a secret of the utmost importance, and her name falls off his tongue like a lead rod
that stabs me in the heart.
I gasp at the utterance of it on this man’s lips, my blood running cold as he says it, and I openly stifle a
sob such is the unexpected pain of hearing it. A name that died when she did, and no one has uttered it
in a decade.
“She was my mother….” I whisper it painfully, that same rise of heartache anytime I begin to think of
her and have to stop my own tears from breaking free.
The doctor clasps a hand to his mouth as though I’ve uttered something sinful, his eyes widening in
alarm and he begins to breathe heavily. Backing away from me as something seems to click into place.
“I can’t hear this, because if this is what she said…I’ve let my friend suffer in sleep for all these years,
alone…. and I failed her. I let him convince me she was mad, don’t you see. I broke my oath, I broke
my promise as her friend, and I’m a terrible person. I need to go…. I don’t want to know about any of
this!” He pulls away, shaking visibly, beginning to crumble, and avoids looking at me as panic grips him
mercilessly. He’s clearly distressed, his word falter as he babbles them out and he’s once again running
from me mentally.
“Wait…. don’t go….what about my mother? What do you know? How do you know her name? What did
she say about her?!” I’m yelling after him, grasping for something I don’t even know I’m chasing, as my
own panic rises with being left with nothing but her name. My door slides quickly shut as he departs
and traps me inside this chamber before I get after him, because I was too slow to lurch forward. He
isn’t looking back but scarpering across the concrete floor until he gets mid-way between mine and
hers on the way to the elevator.
“I’m sorry… I really am.” He cries it at me, as I slam my hands on the glass in a bid to get the door to
open, pressing hard against it so I can see him as he runs off to my left.
“I need to know what she said about my mother!!!” I scream it like a feral banshee, my own emotions
overwhelming me as so many racing thoughts rush through my head, and I’m consumed with
suspicion, and pain, and heartbreak, all weighing down like a house falling on top of me. My breathing
erratic and I pound the glass aggressively, in sheer need to follow him. It shudders and quakes but
doesn’t budge an inch.
I can’t calm down, the craziness of that interaction has me all wired and panting as emotion wracks me
and my thoughts spiral crazily with so many possibilities on such little information. The mention of my
mother, his reaction…. it’s made me react in ways I never have before and I start pacing, pulling at my
hair as I try to self-calm and focus.
I upset him, so he’s run off, but maybe he’ll come back, maybe he needs time to process and calm like
maybe I do too. Maybe it was a shock, that something she told him now appears to be coming true. He
said visions, but wolves they don’t have those, and maybe that’s what triggered him. A fear that she
could, and did, and now I’m here, and I came east, and I’m linked.
Oh god, it’s all so messy in my head so I can’t even imagine what’s going on in his, if this is something
she told him over eight years ago. I mean, to us the fates and coincidence, it’s a common thing, and we
trust in the paths they lay for us with so little questioning of it, but humans… they have a harder time
accepting or believing. So many nowadays don’t even believe in god, let alone some supernatural
higher power that always has a plan. He’ll calm down, rationalize, and come back to explain why he
knew my mother’s name. I mean that’s what he’ll do, right? That’s what I’m praying anyway.
Something strikes a chord in everything I said and now I need to know more. I have to know more. I
need to find out what it was Sierra told him all those years ago, that got her sent here and pushed into
a coma. Juan is keeping her quiet by convincing people she’s crazy, so I want to know what that is.
Especially if my mother’s name is in there somewhere, and she knew I would come, be linked to her
son…. How could she know that? Wolves can’t see the future. Only witches and seers and…… Oh
This hybrid crap, and Colton being a long-awaited child. None of that could be true, because Juan
would never value a mixed breed child the way he does his son. Especially not a witch, those are the
sorcerers and demons of the supernatural world, with a kind of voodoo you don’t fuck with. Unless he
doesn’t know? But that can’t be, if he knew about this place and the research and left her here. She
obviously wanted to know how she could be both witch, and wolf, and find others like her for whatever
reason… maybe she wanted to know how to conceive a child without it dying. Juan had to know she
wasn’t pure and that makes even less sense given how he is.
Witches and seers, they’re more like the humans, but with gifts that are insanely powerful. Sierra surely
couldn’t be a half witch, that’s crazy. She couldn’t hide something like that from the pack all those
years, and why doesn’t Colton have any of those gifts? You would know if he could conjure magic, and
catch visions, for sure. And then she’s here… a witch has power, so why didn’t she save herself?
Maybe he didn’t know when he mated to her, and maybe when he found out that’s why he banished
her here, so the pack would never know and revolt against an alpha mated to an impure. I’ve never
heard of anything like this, and it does explain his obsession with making sure Colton has the right
Luna. Maybe he’s afraid Colton isn’t pure enough, and it will show in his offspring if he mates badly.
Colton definitely has no knowledge of it, I would have seen it in our joined memories.
None of this makes sense. Luna Sierra was in the pack for decades before she had Colton, so surely
that can’t be the reason Juan brought her here. He would have known; you can’t hide anything from
your mate. Her memories in transference when he marked her would have made sure he knew. Which
means he hid what she was. And after decades living that lie, why would he then suddenly banish her
to the back of beyond, and what the hell has my other got to do with any of this?
My head spins with all of this, a pulse hitting in the center of my brain with overload and aching so
badly I feel like my skull might explode. I end up pacing back to the bed and falling face down on top of
it with an ‘arghhh’ noise that reverberates through my entire body it’s so loud. All the doctor has done is
give me more questions than answers, and I roll on my side so I can see her across the gap. The lights
have shut down out there, so she’s illuminated in the light from her own cell.
“What are you not telling me, Sierra? Why am I here? What are you, and what the hell am I?” I call to
her as though somehow it will give me an answer, but she remains still and silent in her cocoon like
state, and I exhale heavily. My body trembling with adrenalin as I begin to calm down, but my tears fill
up my eyes. It’s not sadness really, but confusion, and frustration, and a gnawing pit of unease that
there are things I know nothing of, which clearly have everything to do with why I was guided here in
the first place.
I’ve lost my appetite, no longer interested in the food he left while my head is going crazy with all of
this, and I know one thing for sure, I just lost my ally, chased him away and I only have two days before
Juan shows up to deal with me. I have zero chance of romancing Deacon in that time, even if I wanted
to try. Not that I could, he physically makes my skin crawl, and I don’t think I have it in me to be nice to
the asshole that darted me in the back like a white liver bellied coward.
I cross my arms over my head and face to smother out the light and noise and ‘garrrrr’ loudly at this
situation I find myself in. Willing my brain to stop spinning around, and turning inside out, and give me a
few seconds peace to get my bearings once more. It feels like it’s been the longest day in history, and
according to the doc, it’s not even lunch yet. For the love of the fates!!
What I wouldn’t give to be anywhere but here right now. Maybe reverse the clock, go back to my
Awakening ceremony, and run before I even turned, to save myself from all of this bullshit that has
happened since. It really was the worst turning point of my life, and I can blame all of it on the bloodline
of Santo. I curse that name forever more. I should have left a long time ago, and never waited to turn.
No Colton, no imprinting, no running to mountains, and attacks by vampires playing on my mind. Just
sheer ignorance of a girl running free, and turning alone, and never knowing any of these people, or
caring at all. I should have found my courage to go long before I did and saved myself the heartache.
I nearly jump out of my skin at the sudden closeness of the doctors voice, and almost topple completely
off the bed as I realize he’s right beside me, and my lack of wolf sense let him creep right up to me with
zero warning. My heart misses a beat and almost kills me in the process.
“You scared the shit out of me!” I impulsively snap, taking in the bloodshot eyes, the pale pallor, and the
strong hint of alcohol on his breath that I’m sure he knocked back hastily to level himself out. He looks
a little disheveled and shell shocked to say the least, and there’s no sign of his female companion.
“Quite.” He replies tartly, and I can tell by his manner that he isn’t okay. Or his weird British response to
what I shouted at him.
I manage to pull myself to sitting and eye him up warily as he stands stock still in the center of my
room, staring at me as though I have two heads. He twists his hands together, wringing his fingers
through one another nervously and I give him a moment to pull himself together.
“There are no cameras down here. They like to pretend she isn’t here you see…. the wolves, upstairs.
They don’t venture down very often so they don’t have to acknowledge their shameless purpose of
guarding this place. Lord knows we didn’t need chaperones when Luna Sierra was in charge here. Just
me and my staff to take care of her, mostly from upstairs. None of them were here before she was put
to sleep, so they think she’s in a coma and life support of her own accord, and her rich husband
benefactor is paying to keep her comfortable.” He walks around in a circle and I watch him quietly,
feeling the anxious waves and deep emotions coming from him intensely. I’m wary about sending him
running once more, but he came back, and I have one question I need answered before we go any
“Why did you ask me about my mother… Marina?” I say it solemnly, heart hitching at the use of her
name, breathing in slowly and deeply to stop the spiraling emotions that run through me, and I note that
my hands have started to tremble. I’m nervous, reacting in a subtle wave of anxious anticipation like I’m
perched on the edge of a cliff and one tiny breeze will knock me off and change everything I ever knew
about my life. I don’t know, I can just feel it weighting down on this moment, like I should stop, turn, and
run far away.
He stops mid step of his frantic pacing and turns to me completely. Eyes wide, face serious, and he
implores me with a wide handed spread of palms as though apologizing as the words come out clearly.
“She’s the reason Sierra is here…. Juan executed every one of your bloodline so they would never
return to your mountain, and she tried to stop him.”