Chapter 73: Tawna
“Hey beautiful, how was your morning?” Colton slides up behind me and wraps his arms around my
shoulder, kissing me on the back of the head before nuzzling in close and calming all my anxious
energy with one touch. My grounding force that enables me to set my worries free and I almost melt
into a warm puddle of soft limbs. It’s in these reunion moments I realize how badly I miss him all day
when we aren’t together.
“Interesting. Carmen sought me out, long story, but I sent your mom to go visit with Tawna a while.
She’s not doing so good and we thought it might help. I haven’t had much else to do today except eat,
wander the village, be lavished with a ton of gifts I get every time they see me and felt the need to have
a nap. I’m so tired today and I have no idea why.” I curl my arms over his and sink back, nestling my
head in the crook of his throat and sigh heavily, closing my eyes as I submerge into my own personal
heavenly space. Colton’s familiar seductive masculine scent and hot body temperature overpowers my
skin and air and further pushes that feeling of being cocooned in paradise.
“Stress, maybe. Carmen, huh… and yet she still lives? Maybe you’re sick” He jests, pulling a hand up
to cover my forehead in mock testing that I have a fever and I elbow jab him in the abs lightly.
“Ha, ha! I felt sorry for her…. She seems different.” I state blankly, so not ready to open the can of
worms known as my emotions after my encounter with her earlier. I am not one hundred percent
certain I even know how I feel about her being here at all.
“I wouldn’t know. I’ve avoided her like the plague since they arrived. I’ve been busy and I just don’t
know how to navigate that mess. I’m being a coward.” He exhales against my temple and impulsively
slides one of his hands over my breast for a quick grope and then heads for my waist to snuggle in
tight. My body tingles at his touch and it ignites that never fading libido that exists between us.
“Stop avoiding her. She’s one of the pack! …. She’s not a threat. I won’t get mad at you for interacting
with her because I know it has to happen sooner or later. I don’t think her focus lies with us anymore
anyway, and she seems lost somehow. I got the impression that you and I are way low on her list of
things to fuck up.” Sometimes I can’t fault my mate’s loyalty, and I know the only reason he’s avoiding
her is in case it upsets me. He’s transparent as glass sometimes.
I trust him, trust our bond and I know he harbors no kind of romantic feelings for her anymore so really,
logically, I shouldn’t have any kind of jealousy over her. She needs an alpha who cares, she needs to
feel she belongs with these people and if Colton showing her a little kindness does that, then I am okay
with it, I guess. I mean, I may feel weird at first but I’m sure as it happens more frequently I might
normalize it and no longer care. I don’t doubt where his heart lies; he’s shown me for the last six
months how much he loves me, and I have absolutely nothing to worry about in terms of his ex being
on scene again. He’s mine, he always will be. Our bond is the strongest thing in this world. Just look at
Sierra…. even when you don’t want it, it still doesn’t die.
“Well, you’ve certainly let it sink in since this morning, haven’t you? I won’t avoid her; I just think it’s
better to not spend too much time around her. It’s only been a few months and I don’t want you feeling
insecure or her getting any kind of wrong signals.” Colton nuzzles my neck expertly and my knees
weaken with his attentions as he surrounds me with sexy affection in a bid to make the topic less tense.
“What’s her story anyway. I always took her for spoiled and conceited, but I don’t know… she seems so
vulnerable now. It’s like I am seeing a different girl and I wonder if maybe it was always there, and I
never noticed it before.” I push my butt into his groin to let him know his kisses down my neck are
good, better than, and he slides my dress across my shoulder a little to access more skin, tracing his
lips over my nape and across the skin gently. He sets me on fire, and I close my eyes and have to fight
the moan deep in my throat as I surrender to tingles and goosebumps all over.
“Carmen has always been hard to read and figure out…. An enigma in a way. Her dad mated up for
opportunity and not love which I guess started the whole mess of her family. Her mom isn’t exactly one
of the strongest of femmes, or capable, but her bloodline is one of the oldest and the pairing put him in
my father’s sights. Marco wanted a son, Tawna gave him a girl, and they have been a fractured
dysfunctional family since. I know from things my father has said that he doesn’t put any effort into his
own family; he feels they weigh him down and make him look bad.”
“Hmmm” I half answer, too focused on his breath trailing by my ear and my hair stands on end as he
grazes his lip over the lobe.
“Carmen doesn’t really gel with others because of who her dad is; she was always just this kid in the
shadows who tried so hard to be seen and accepted, but the pack avoided. Everyone knows he’s my
dad’s beta so there was a fear of getting near her and I guess over the years she developed this tough
hard outer shell like she didn’t really care. That she was better than everyone and she looked down on
all of us. The attitude, the stroppy behavior, all of it to hide the fact she really hasn’t got anyone, but
she’s not really a bad person, not when you get to know her more. She’s lonely and insecure and she
keeps everyone at arm’s length.” Colton carries on, both with his words and his gentle assault on my
senses, his hands skimming my waist and abdomen and he manages to somehow hug me even closer.
“She needs a friend, maybe? Someone to get through and really see her?” I try to stay on topic but he’s
making it hard.
“I dated her for two years and I didn’t ever get past the mask, but I guess I was the closest other than
her mom. I saw glimpses but no one gets in, I doubt they ever will.”
What he says makes my heart ache and instantly sobers my sizzling hormones as I think about the
reality of her existence. I was like her once. Alone, keeping people out, and looking back, it was that
saddest part of my life.
“I feel bad the way it went, how it ended and that I hurt her and walked away from it all. I think being
your dad’s biggest disappointment in life has to have left its mark and I never gave a second thought to
walking off with my new pack and leaving her behind. My focus was on you, I didn’t think what her
staying would be like. I guess I didn’t think that without me and the subs, she was back to being alone.”
Colton’s tone matches my newly found internal heaviness and he stops his slow tease and just hugs
me tightly instead. His arms coming around my lower rib cage and his face is snuggled against my
neck and shoulder.
“Did you ever think about marking her? Two years is a long time to be paired up without marking.” I ask
curiously, not because I want to torture myself or anything, but I always wondered what held him back
and thinking about it now, I want to know. It’s normal in a pairing for the male to make the move and
ask to mate up, femmes don’t tend to do it or have a say until they are asked. Such is the old-world
nature of our pairings. A world where men still rule, and females submit. He obviously cared about her,
but yet he never made a move to mate with her properly.
“Honestly, as bad as this sounds… no. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but it felt like I was holding my
breath, and something inside told me it wasn’t the right time. I didn’t realize it was my gut telling me it
was the wrong femme, I just thought I wasn’t ready to be tied down. That we were young and
immature, and I had so many more responsibilities. Looking back, I cared about her a lot, but I don’t
think I loved her. I just didn’t know it until you and felt this way. With you, the need to mark you was a
constant craving inside of me from the second we bonded.”
“Shame you took so long.” I sass him, lightening the mood a little and try to ignore the pangs of green-
eyed monster when my man admits to caring for another femme in that way. I’m so stupid with this but I
get my cute boy frown with full on dimples and a half smile in response as he brings his face up to mine
from the side, to lock eyes. It helps ease my ruffled feelings.
“Baby, the best things come to those who wait.” He smirks at my mock outrage and bops his nose on
the tip of mine.
“Never heard of ‘you lose, you snooze’…. You were almost eternally mateless, buddy.” I prod him in the
arm getting a tight rib squeeze and a kiss to my nose for good measure.
“Never! I would have searched for you until the end of time. I wasn’t losing you, even if it took me years
to find you. That….I was certain of.” Colton turns me in his arms, so I end up pressed frontally to his
sexy physique and he leans in to kiss me properly. His lips grazing mine sensually as his hands find
their way under my hair and he pulls me in for a full on make out session with tongues and lots of toe-
curling mouth orgasms. I always loved that Colton’s kiss had the ability to turn me to putty in his hands
and ignite every sensation, tingle and goosebump my skin is capable of. It’s his magical way of
soothing whatever mood I have brewing and clears my rain of stress and worry almost instantly.
“We should get back to doing our job” I point out when he lets me loose and rubs his nose against
mine. The intimacy between us is my favorite thing in the world, a bubble of content where I can inhale
everything that’s him and my world feels whole. Sadly though, real life has responsibilities, duties and
we are not even close to dinner yet.
“Or…. We could go upstairs and take a nap……. The energetic kind.” he winks, husky with his words
and I eyeroll impulsively.
“Honestly, if I had known your libido was this overactive, I may have rethought marking you.” I giggle
when I push him off, liking the fact that he hauls me straight back to him, always so eager to keep us
joined by touch. Colton never likes to stray apart for long, the need to be beside me, hold me,
overwhelms him and I guess it’s the same for me. Imprinting gives you this insane need to be together
every second or else it doesn’t feel right. When we are close, or in the same space, we have to have
contact, or it just feels wrong.
“It’s not my fault. My mate has me stuck in eternal haze and I think I’m broken… or else, it’s the vampy
in you, all seductive and dazzling with your special gifts and you make me want to hump you five times
“Hmmm” I respond drily. He makes this Vamp joke often enough. In the grimoires in the halls under the
homestead we found a whole lot about vampires dazzling humans with a need to have sex with them.
While under their spell the vamps could feed not only their urge for blood without humans resisting, but
their sensual natures ad their craving to screw everyone. Vampires are apparently as horny as wolves
and it explains why hybrids like mine exist. “You know, we have to go eat with your mom. It’s the
highlight of her day that we take our meals with her. And I’m not going to her rooms looking like you just
mauled me… again.” I attempt to extract my body form his muscular arms and get nowhere with that.
He’s too strong and I’m not really all that willing to be loose.
“It’s a good look on you, all flushed and satisfied. Chilling like you found heaven and haven’t come back
down from the clouds yet. I like how you look after sex… it’s my favorite view.” He finally gives me
some breathing space by stepping back to admire me while keeping our hands interlocked.
“I’ve seen myself. It’s more like red faced, sweating, unattractively rumpled, and breathless! Like you
chased me around the upper floor for forty-five minutes and I might pass out at any moment. I hate
your mom knowing what we have been doing. So, No! Dinner first, bed later.” I need to put my foot
down when it comes to this or else he would never let me leave our bed at any hour.
“God, you’re bossy. You know my mom is aware that as mates, we ummm… mate. It’s kind of a perk of
being paired up and it’s right there in the title.” He angles for a grope of my breast with one hand and I
slap it away.
“Behave. If you start that we may never make dinner. I’m not playing!” I push him away properly, aware
of how easily he always bends me to his will when it comes to sexy play and somehow always
manages to coerce me upstairs for random daytime quickies. Not that I don’t enjoy what he does to
me, but as I feel tired most of my day because of him, it does dampen my motivation to be productive
daily. I have to be more assertive and learn how to turn him down from time to time. My sleep pattern
“I’m not hungry anyway.” he smirks, and I again slap the hand sliding out my way to get me back
against him. We really do have to move or else we will be here all afternoon.
“Well, I’m starving, in fact, and I might just pass out from lack of nourishment if you don’t let me eat
first.” I warn him with a raised brow and hold my hand aloft as he ignores my batting him again and
goes for another boob caress. My breasts are apparently his favorite body part next to the obvious one
between my thighs.
“Okay! Fine! Jeeze, woman! I get it…. Food first, socialize with my mom, deal with the duties I have to
deal with for this afternoon and then…you’re all mine. You may regret not giving me this little ten-
minute tumble come bedtime though, baby face.” He grins with that delish air, tweaking my nose
annoyingly, and I sigh. I know he’s right and this refusal for a session will have a knock-on effect later.
With him it’s never ten minutes, ever, so quickie is not even a term I connect to what he wants to do.
Quick for Colton is more like thirty minutes. No daytime rolls upstairs means tonight he will take hours
to get his fill. Not that I’m complaining, I just really need sleep at some point in my life. Lately it’s taking
its toll and I’m tired all the time because he has a severe lack of needing rest it seems, while I definitely
do not get enough.
“We’ll see” I yawn almost to emphasize the fact that I’m shattered beyond belief these past weeks and
he frowns at me, watching me for a long second. His expression dropping from cute teen teasing his
girl, to suddenly mature husband worrying that his wife really needs to lay down.
“Maybe I might let you have a night off to rest. You look kinda beat. Are you feeling okay?” he lifts the
back of his palm to my head in seriousness this time and I shrug and try to brush it away with a smile.
“I’m a wolf… getting sick is cured with a turn. I’m fine, just really exhausted lately. I think with all the
early morning fun, the nonstop daily grind and our late night ‘mating’, I’m not getting enough rest. After
six months it’s finally taking its toll.”
Colton stares at me with a somber expression for what feels like the longest time before finally frowning
and pulling me back into his arms and hugging me tight. This time it completely lacks any sexual vibe
and is just one of his tender holds.
“You know saying No won’t hurt my feelings. I know it’s not that it’s not good, but that sometimes you
don’t have as much stamina as me. Just tell me when you don’t want to, and we won’t. Sex isn’t
everything. I like just being beside you in bed, curling up and having you sleep in my arms. Best feeling
in the world and my favorite part of every day.”. his gentle, sincere tone makes me melt and I squish
myself up in his arms, hugging him tight around his chest and nuzzle in childishly.
“I don’t think there’s a wolf alive that has your stamina. I’ll be fine after food and some down time with
your mom. We can go to bed early so we can have both fun and sleep, leave everything else until
morning…… I love you.” I lay my ear against the steady thump of his heart and he brushes my hair
down my back smoothly. Igniting that part of me that craves his security.
“I love you too, baby. So much sometimes it’s crazy. I don’t know what I would have done if I never got
you back. My life would have been empty and endless. You know how much you mean to me, right?
That I love more than life and I would do anything for you. No matter what you asked of me.” His tone is
lower, husker and I am overwhelmed with his sudden onslaught of gooey emotions as it washes over
both of us.
“I know. I would do the same for you. You’re everything I never knew I wanted or needed and life with
you these past months has changed everything that I knew and felt before. You make my world
brighter, better… even with the way things are with the attacks. You give me security that we’re going
to be okay. You’re the alpha we all needed, and you are the best for not just me, but everyone here. I
hope you know how much they all respect and value you. How grateful they are that you took your
place early and brought them out here.” I don’t tell him this enough and I feel like he needs to hear it
more often. He does so much for all of us and yet never asks for anything in return.
Colton is quiet for a moment and I gaze up to find him staring straight ahead, his eyes glazed with
moisture and he catches me looking at him and smiles. I can feel his emotions mingled with mine, that
well of happy ache and overemotional overwhelm. He may look solid and rough, but Colton is still that
sweet boy inside and he carries so many insecurities thanks to his father.
“I sometimes doubt myself. Being only nineteen and running an entire pack, a homestead, being
responsible for everyone here….. I hate to admit that sometimes, I want to run and hide and be a
normal teen, for like a day.” He sighs and I exhale with him. Feeling exactly how he does.
“Soon be twenty… only a few weeks left so maybe you should reward yourself with a day off and go act
like Colton pre alpha, pre mountain fight. Kick back and enjoy the last of your teens if only for a
moment.” I encourage with a smile.
“You know all I would do all day is keep you shackled to the bed, so maybe not…” He grins down at me
and kisses me on top of my head when I giggle at him.
“For you I am!” he hits me with cheesy words and a wink and I eyeroll. So quick to go back to being
that sex mad boy that I can’t get enough of.
“And then you ruin the romance vibes with the worst chat up lines. Come on, Alpha Santo, we have
your mom waiting for dinner most likely. Get that look off your face or she will know exactly where your
mind is at.”
“She’s my mom, she knows where my mind is at all the time, so there’s no point trying to hide it. She
birthed an alpha boy. She knows what that entails.” He chuckles and I shove him in the abs. Sighing at
his one-track mind and shove him backwards to get him moving. Colton relents and slides his arm
around my shoulders instead, hauling me into an embrace to walk beside me and kisses me on the
head as we move for the door.
“Do you never think that your mom longs for another child. To make up for all those lost years of your
childhood?” I nudge him as we walk, making our way out into the main hall and head for the stairway.
“I wish my mom could de-mate from my dad and find someone else to start over, have another, maybe
more than one, but we both know that’s not a possibility. The mate bond can’t be broken without
death…. If it could, I would have done it for her already. Let her pick another and have those years
back.” He guides me up the steps, watching his speed so as not to trip me and I squeeze my arm
around his waist a little.
“Given the circumstances maybe allowing her to find another and break a little rule wouldn’t be such an
awful thing, right?” I ask warily, knowing that despite the rules being set in stone for all wolves, alphas
can sometimes make exceptions and sway the people a little in times of need. Say if Sierra had a lover
and a stand in mate, despite being bonded to someone else. No one would judge her for replacing that
asshole Juan after what he did to her.
Colton sighs and glances down at my face, his serious expression taking over, and he shakes his head.
“Even if I could justify her having a lover, a non-mate to pup with, to live with …. she would never
agree. My mom has always lived by the laws and her bond to my dad would always stand in her way.
I’ve thought about it. Hell, I see the way she looks at Radar whenever he shows face, and with every
part of my soul, I would happily let him romance her. Radar has been a father figure to me since he
came back from the wars, but he too is strait laced and would never cross that line, so it’s not even
worth pondering. He can’t even look her in the eye because she was once his Luna. It’s a nice thought,
but completely hopeless and it will never happen on either side of that pairing.” His deflation taints my
hope but doesn’t fully extinguish it. One I have something brewing in my mind, it’s hard to let it go.
“Maybe not as lovers, not as mates…. maybe as a companion. You could reinstate him as a guard, to
shadow his Rema. She needs someone to spend her time with and Radar is besotted with her. He
always has been. Maybe with forced proximity, something could blossom.” The cogs in my head turn
but Colton drops his brows to frown at me with a sweet look of ‘no’
“He’s too shy around her. He freezes up, trips over his words and anytime she does speak to him he
comes out with harsh abrasive responses that makes it sound like he doesn’t like her at all.” Colton
sighs and ruffles my hair with a frown. “I get what you’re saying, I do. I don’t disagree, it’s just, those
two are hopeless and as companions I think they would stand silently at each side of a room, avoiding
eye contact and making painful stilted statements and never really relax. Radar sees his Luna, even
still, and he can’t ever lower his respectful boundaries. Mom sees a shy guard who once risked his life
to save hers. Some wolves are never meant to be more.” I huff with a loud breath, but he continues
pulling me along.
“You have no sense of romance” I point out with deflation, knowing what he’s saying is true, but isn’t it
worth a try.
“Are you telling me I should try harder, that I’m not romancing you enough?” his deadpan and way too
serious tight tone makes me glance up, instantly shocked he would get that from our conversation and
realize he’s smirking at me. Being an ass and winding me up.
“Shut up. You sweep me off my feet a million times a day.”
“Yeah, something I know I’m good at, right?” he ducks and swoops his arm under my leg and hoists me
up princess style while I give out a startled yelp at his lightning-fast maneuver. My heart lurching into
my throat with the speed in which he just hauled me up.
“This is not what I meant!” I giggle and wrap my arms around his neck to snuggle in, liking this new
height and position as I get to trace that sexy jaw and gaze at the most beautiful profile of a male I have
ever known. Colton smiles and scales the stairs faster, getting us up to the landing and next three
flights in super quick time.
Sierra resides on the far end of the building in her own rooms and we put her somewhere quiet and
cozy where she could watch over the village from her own balcony every day. We didn’t want her to
feel alone up here so we made sure she has around the clock presence in the form of waiting femmes
who tend to her every need.
Sierra is already at the table by the balcony doors when we stroll in, overlooking the forest side of the
homestead, into the dense darkness that is framed by the distant mountains. So many memories of
being out there alone every time I see the view from up here that it fully silences my previous train of
thought and Colton drops me on my feet as we come to sit with her. Knowing our topic is over as Sierra
wouldn’t be too pleased knowing we were talking about matchmaking her.
“Hey, Mom, What’s for dinner.” Colton reverts to boy whenever in the presence of his mom and slides
around beside her, leaning in to kiss her on the temple before pulling out a chair for me. He nestles me
on her side then he sits by me, so he faces her.
“The kitchen has made Steak Diane with all the trimmings. Hope you’re hungry.” She smiles softly, that
face beaming with maternal love for her two teens. I know she isn’t my mom but sometimes I feel like
she loves me as though she is and I’m rather partial to her too.
“Famished.” I smile softly and pat her on the hand, our usual gesture of affection which has become the
norm. Sierra smiles brightly and we all settle in.
“I went and seen Tawna as you asked today, it was ….. emotional” Sierra brings my eye to hers, a
faraway look and a glaze of moisture as she says it and I focus intently on the waves of sadness she
starts to expel. Sometime sit’s a curse to feel others this way and while I’m tired, I have no energy for it.
“How did it go?” Colton cuts in, sensing her somber mood at the mention of the woman’s name. He
must be picking it up from my emotions, given we share.
“It was nice to see her again but…. Tawna is broken, her heart is in pain and she kept talking as though
she had to pay some sort of retribution for her mate’s part in the past. I don’t know. She made very little
sense, and, in the end, I had Dr Miago come up and give her some sedatives and pills to help ease her
distress. Carmen says she has been this way since the memories made it to the mountain.” Sierra
moves t place her napkin on her lap and we both do the same, being very civilized at mealtimes
nowadays. Having a mom figure has improved our table manners anyway.
“Do you think she will improve in time? With care and maybe some talking therapy with Anya.” I ask as
food servers enter the room quickly and begin laying out starter dishes in front of us. Some simple
melon and ham preceding our main and it all looks and smells amazing so much so that my mouth
waters instantly with ravenous hunger. We fall quiet as they set about the task of filling our water
glasses and placing salad on the table before receding quickly.
Anya is the Shamans mate, and she is what most consider the therapist of the pack. She has way of
talking things out and helping straighten thoughts and feelings. I always suspected she has a mild
ability to manipulate emotions short term but as she only uses it for good, I have never thought to ask
her about it.
“I think she feels responsible for not swaying her mate from his path years ago. And now, she doesn’t
know how to be the force in his life a mate is meant to be.” Sierra is unusually low in mood, her whole
vibe deflated, and I can tell that she’s summarizing what must have been a painful visit between her
“Doesn’t she understand that a mate can only influence gently and not dictate someone’s choices…
she did nothing wrong, especially as she didn’t know.” I add with a sigh. Feeling for Tawna and her
state of unhappiness. Knowing that at the end of the day, mates are not held responsible for their
partners choices in life. We all have the proof sitting right here with us. Sierra and Juan couldn’t be
anymore different on the scale of opposites if they tried and she had zero sway over him.
“Tawna was always such a gentle and easy going, almost submissive type. She needed a mate who
handled her gently and nurtured her loving heart. What she got was a cold-hearted brute who
neglected her and locked her in that house, never to be part of his life or decisions. He’s no better than
Juan and I pointed this out to her. I never had any control of Juan’s actions and she never had control
of his. She needs to be stronger for Carmen, for without her the girl is alone. Carmen is the only thing I
think which is keeping her going.” Sierra pulls at her plate and then discards it quickly as though she’s
lost her appetite and Colton catches it with that observant eye. Her tone was tight and even I can sense
an emotion she’s trying to shield.
“There’s something you’re not saying.” He points out and Sierra flickers to look at the table almost
guilty. She sighs heavily and rests her palms flat on the table as though bracing herself and locks an
eye on me this time. She pauses to think, sighs slowly and then smiles somewhat sadly.
“I sensed…. or …we have something called moment of sight. That’s when a touch, or conversation, or
even a strong emotion, gives us a flicker of a moment. Almost like a blink that you don’t quite catch but
it instills a strong feeling that you can’t shake. Almost like a premonition in a way.” She explains to me
and I catch Colton nodding at my side. I know he has experienced it as he told me so before.
“And you had this with her?” I ask, as Colton stills and watches her steadily. He falls quiet as he
ponders it and the glances passing between mother and son make me uneasy. Sometimes they do still
have this silent way of communicating that I guess is borne from being mother and child.
“I had the strong overwhelming sense that Tawna wishes harm upon herself to remove Enzo from
Juan’s side. Maybe she thinks without his Beta it will weaken his stance on the mountain.” She looks
away to the window and that flicker of pain makes it drive home that she is certain of this.
“You’re talking suicide? Wolves don’t do that…. It’s impossible for us to do harm to ourselves that
results in death. Our wolf form kicks in and heals us instinctively, without our permission. It’s not exactly
easy to find a way that a wolf can’t save.” Colton leans in, seems none of us can eat when this is the
topic and I frown heavily, my stomach churning with the topic.
I’ve never heard of a wolf taking their own life, ever. It’s unheard of as we can heal from most things
naturally with a turn, even mental health. Tawna is rare if depression is overtaking her and not healing,
and I wonder if she is pure wolf at all. The Shaman has been studying the grimoires under the house
and he has mentioned that half breeds can sometimes cause flaws in the wolf DNA. Maybe Tawna isn’t
as pure as her mate thought. Another spew of secrets that the Santo bloodline has hidden for
“Maybe it’s just a wish that she won’t ever carry through. Can’t possibly attempt. She loves her
daughter; I doubt she will leave her that way. There’s no way in hell she can get hold of anything in the
homestead that would aid her in taking her life. We can recover from most anything.” Colton seems to
be trying to convince himself that this is an unfounded worry and that it will pas sin time as Tawna gets
“It takes an iron will not to turn wolf when your body is dying. Tawna is not that strong and I doubt she
could overpower the survival instinct. We should put her in med bay for a few days, have Anya visit
daily and let the doctor decide on the best way to help her through long term. She’s depressed and we
should handle her carefully and with love and tender care.” Sierra interjects and it again drags my mind
to the possibility of Tawna not being pure. Wolves don’t get depressed.
“We should bring Carmen into the sub packs communal and let them talk it out with her too, bring her
back into the fold. They were her pack once and she needs more than just her mom again if she’s to
find the strength to help her heal. If we have more wolves on board helping Carmen support her mom
and pulling her through this dark mindset then who knows, it may help them both. Carmen will waiver if
she alone bears the burden.” I suggest with a logical brain, pushing my weird messy feelings about that
girl aside as my Luna heart takes over and Colton blanches at me in disbelief
“You want to let Carmen back in the sub pack? Do you need to lay down for a bit, baby?” He leans out
and feels my head and I push it away with an eyeroll. Dramatic much.
“She’s one of our people and she never really left the subs… she wasn’t disengaged or tossed out.
They all just left the mountain without her. She’s alone and she needs her family. I can put the past to
bed, and she says she wants to. Meadow will be better with her now that she no longer has ties to you
and I think when I explain some of this to Meds, she’ll agree. We look after our own and like her or
not… Carmen is one of ours. She needs the emotional back up right now.”
In my heart I know this is how it needs to be. As Luna I need to put the needs of my people over my
own grudges. Carmen may not ever become my best friend, but as long as she is willing to respect my
position as Luna, then I can live with her among us. I don’t need to compete for the affection of my
pack, my best friend, or my mate. I have them all on my own and she failed even with two years of
being beside them. Carmen is just a femme in my pack now, nothing else. As long as I keep that in the
forefront then I’m sure eventually my jealousy over her past with Colton will fade away.
“Maybe not having that attitude because she thought she was heading for Luna status will warm her to
the pack finally. She always treated them like she was above them, because of me, maybe not
anymore. It might make enough of a difference to how she gels with them again.” Colton points out and
leans in fast to throw a kiss on my lips. A little ‘I’m proud of you’ with that cute boy smile that makes me
melt. I can feel his happy surprise coming off in waves and affecting my own inner doubts, pushing a
warm gooey feeling to relax my muscles and easy my tension.
“She needs the support. Maybe it will help her better deal with Tawna and get her past this. I think
Tawna needs to learn to live without her mate and I can help her with that, be her support and mentor.”
Sierra smiles weakly and I can’t help but feel the heart aching slice of pain I always get when she talks
of being alone this way. Wolves are meant to mate up, it’s part of our purpose and we are never meant
to be alone. She can try and hide it behind smiles as much as she likes but I can always feel her truth.
Sierra lives with a broken heart every second of every day.
“Okay, with that decided, how about you two tell me how your day was. I need some mood lifting after
mine. How are the new building works going? How was the school’s first day in their new home?”