It was a very busy day at the market. It was so hot and I couldn't stand the bustle. I quickly went to the grocery stand and paid for the groceries. I hurried back to my car and immediately turned on the air- conditioning. I let out an exhausted sigh.
Three years, and I'm still not used to the hot weather. It's not hot all year round, but when it is I wished I could go back to New York city. I placed the groceries on the passenger seat and headed home. It was a busy day at work, but thank goodness it was Friday. 1
I drove to the villa I was staying for the past three years. It was a seven bedroom villa that I shared with Ethan and his now wife, Irina. Irina was so sweet and understanding that she let me stay with them.
So much had changed in three years. I flew all the way from New York to Jordan to start a new life. The only people aside from Ethan and Irina that knows where I am are my aunt and Milan. They come visit me during Christmas and Summer. I'm pretty sure Flynn knows where I am too, he just never showed up and I think that's a good thing. But deep down I wished he did. If he knew where I was, I wished he had at least sent me an apology letter. But he didn't. 2
I pulled up into the driveway of the big vanilla colored Villa and grabbed the groceries from the passenger seat. I opened the door and the house was empty. It was always empty during the day. Irina was usually in her bedroom and Ethan was at work. The only time I saw them was in the morning during breakfast and at night during dinner.
Last year Irina asked me to be her maid of honour, but I politely declined. I didn't showed up to their wedding either, because I just couldn't. It was painful. The feelings I have for Flynn were still there and I
don't think I will ever love someone as much as I love Flynn. Even after three years, it's still very painful to think about him.
I actually forgave him, because if I didn't I don't think I could live peacefully. What he had done to me was a low blow and even though I told myself that the past will not affect my future. It actually did.
I can't move on from him.
He's still in my mind and my heart.2
And how much I tell myself that I deserve better than him, it makes me want him more. Nights are torture to me. I can't sleep without having nightmares about that day. I can't sleep without thinking about him. There were so many times that I wanted to go back to New York and just throw myself at him. But I know that this time it should be different. I'm not the one that should come crawling back to him. He is.
I walked into the kitchen and placed the groceries in the fridge. Tonight it was my turn to prepare dinner. I walked upstairs to my room to change into comfortable clothes and then I went downstairs to see if I got mail. Aside from beauty magazines, there was a pink envelope with my name on it written in gold ink. I placed the magazines on the table and opened the envelope. When I saw the handwriting inside I almost choked on air. This can't be true. Not after three years.
I regret nothing more in life than what I have done to you. It was wrong, stupid and immature and you do not deserve any of the pain I have caused you.
I've lost the one girl I've ever loved and it was cause of the things I've done.
I feel so bad right now, cause I tore your world apart, and now all I can think about is how I broke your heart.
I know I'm three years too late, but I couldn't find your address. Ethan did a good job of protecting you, it took forever for my detectives to find you.
Please reach out to me when you get the chance and if you want to. I hope you do, because I need you. I seriously need you, pudding.
I don't know if you have already moved on from me, but I didn't. I can't move on from you and I don't think I ever will. You have my heart and you'll always have it.3
I choked back a sob. I had no idea Ethan was protecting me from him. All the time I thought that it was Flynn who didn't want to reach out to me. I read the letter once again and the tears kept falling down my cheeks. I have missed him. I have missed him so goddamn much.
"Jill? What the hell, why are you crying?"
Ethan entered the kitchen and looked worried between me and the letter. "What is that?" He grabbed the letter out of my hand and his eyes widened as he saw the name on the bottom of the letter. "I'm sorry, Jill."
I looked up at him. "Why are you apologizing?"
He put the letter back down and sat on the bar stool. "I uhm, decided to stop hiding you from him, because I think he deserves to know by now. It has been three years and it's about time."
"I know, I know." I wiped my tears away with the back of my hand. "I don't know if I'm ready to see him."2
Ethan sighed. "Do it, Jill. He deserves to know. Despite what he has done to you, you can't keep this away from him."
At that moment Irina and a three year old girl with brown wavy hair and piercing blue eyes entered the kitchen. 4
"Amari!" I squatted down and hugged my babygirl. She giggled and hugged me back. "What did you do with aunt Irina today?"15
"She made clothes for my dolls. They all have new clothes now." She said happily. "Right, aunt Rina?"
Irina smiled and nodded.
Amari looked at me. "Why are you crying, mommy?"2
I smiled at her and kissed her forehead. "It's time we're going to pay your dad a visit."21